Your colleague accuses you of being uncooperative. Your client blames you for a missed deadline. Your boss ignores your emails. Every week serves up the potential to, in the
words of any teenager, "just lose it."
In this exclusive coverage of the latest Women Executives in PR event, Sally O'Dowd, chair of WEPR's publicity committee, shares strategies to avoid flying off the handle.
These techniques come from Sybil Evans, author of Hot Buttons: How to Resolve Conflict and Cool Everyone Down, and presenter at the workshop, held at Burson-Marsteller's New York
office.
"The single biggest reason why relationships fail is they avoid conflict, problems fester, and they go over the top," said Evans. "But conflict, when faced, has very broad
value."
Addressing conflicts constructively requires a calm demeanor and a willingness to appreciate the other person's perspective, Evans told the group. Let's take the example of
Karen, a disgruntled co-worker. She has just accused you of being out for yourself, at the expense of your teammates. She has hurt your feelings and you don't know why she feels
this way. What do you do? Evans offers the following pointers:
Watch the Play
Detach yourself from the moment, as if it's a play and you're the audience. This enables you to see the whole picture more clearly, giving you a few seconds to calm down.
Confirm
Defuse the anger by validating Karen's concerns. You might say, "You sound really upset." This demonstrates that you're ready to listen to Karen, which, in turn, cools her
down.
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Ask Karen open-ended questions, such as "What has happened to make you say this?" This stimulates conversation and provides Karen an opportunity to share her perspective and
state her needs in the work relationship.
Assert Your Own Interests and Needs
Now that Karen has expressed herself, she'll be more willing to hear from you. Say something like, "I'm sorry that XYZ happened, and I understand why you might feel this way,
but let me explain how I see it."
Find Common Ground for a Solution
At this stage, both of your buttons are nearly turned off. You can now identify your common interests and mutual concerns to resolve the conflict. You might say, "We both
want to work well with each other. Let's find a way to handle this sort of thing in the future, okay?"
Solving conflict is not about who's right and who's wrong, Evans said. "Getting what you want requires you to meet someone else's needs." For more insights on conflict
resolution, visit http://www.coachsybil.com.
Editor's Note:
Women Executives in PR changed its bylaws this month, enabling professionals without senior-level titles to join. A majority of members voted for the change after WEPR leaders
noticed non-senior level PR pros attending WEPR events in search of mentors. PR practitioners with the title of manager, director or account supervisor are now eligible to join.
Any prospective member must have five years experience and be supervising other employees. All prospects, regardless of title, must be sponsored by a current WEPR member to be
approved for membership.
WEPR's next event, "Crisis Manage-ment," will be held February 27 from 5:30-7 p.m. at Porter Novelli in New York, 220E. 42nd St., 8th floor. Robin Cohn, president of Robin Cohn
& Co., will examine the top crises of 2001. Cohn is the author of The PR Crisis Bible. Fax or email reservations to Carmela Cicero Maresca at 212/750-7375 or [email protected]. $35 members/$45 non-members.